I tell you this, not because I want sympathy, but because I want everyone to realize the price of freedom. It's not free. People make sacrifices every day for you and I, and if you haven't thanked them lately, you should! God took James from me and I'll never understand why, but through his death I've had the unique opportunity to share his (and my) faith to many people who might never have heard of Jesus' love and grace. God has blessed me with yet another family, the men in James' Army unit. My "battle buddies."
I've also grown closer to God in my spiritual life through this event. No one can prepare themselves for the loss of a husband. It's not something I would wish on even my worst enemy. I stumbled blindly through at least the entire month of September. You know who never left my side? Our precious Lord. For a while there, I think he was carrying me. He surrounded me with his love and strength and helped me put one foot in front of the other. He's given me wonderful friends and a great family. He's also taught me to love again. I don't know where I would be without my fiance, he's been such a huge support and source of strength to me. And I love that he loves me, despite my "baggage." He has never once asked me to denounce my relationship with my in-laws. In fact, he encourages me to keep in touch with them. He is a strong man, and he will never know how much he truly means to me.
Well, I sat down to write a book review and ended up writing a journal entry instead. I guess God had other plans for me tonight. I felt this on my heart, so I'm going to share it. Never let anyone tell you God isn't real. If he wasn't real, I never would have made it through such a tragic loss.
"He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13
"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." Joshua 1:9